For the Love of Money...

The Father has a way of testing us and usually by loss, the loss of the things we hold the tightest. The tighter the grip, the higher the possibility He will test. In actuality, those things we hold the tightest are usually the idols in our lives that have taken the place of the Father, and His only desire is to regain His rightful position as the Center and Only in our lives. Personally, I have felt the sting of loss, the loss of loved ones, of friendships, of exercise, of health and of finances. He has seen idols arise and He has broken them down. But through it all I have realized that the Father is only testing to prove me sufficient for accomplishing His will, He is only testing to create a perseverance in me. He is testing to assure when hardships arise He is my Center and He is my Only. And He is testing to know that in times of plenty He can trust....He can trust that I will give, that I will serve, that the love of money will not crowd the vision He has placed, that the love of money will not be the root that drives, but that in times of plenty I will give and in times of need I will give.
The more I read the Word, the more His teachings on rich and poor, plenty and in need, love of money, giving of all you have are brought to light. Scripture after Scripture after Scripture teaches how hard it is for the rich to enter heaven, how we are given much to give away much. And all The Son's teachings culminate in Acts, where the church was given the command and the desire to live in common and to live as one. Acts 2, Acts 4 (and I have not gotten past Acts 4 because I am in awe of the first four chapters, the power of the Holy Spirit and the church living as one)...the church devoted itself to fellowship, breaking of bread, no one was in need, selling their possessions, living in common, living as one. What if the modern church lived as the church in Acts? What if I lived as a member of the church in Acts? Would no one be in need? Would not debt be paid and freedom be found? Would not finances be restored? Would not others be free to minister and serve here and overseas without lack of finances and worry of provision? We are so quick to hoard and save. We are quick to purchase and live out of the abundance and first fruits and not out of the remains and "left-overs." We are so afraid to live a life of giving because we are worried about not having, not being able to provide. The last few years have taught me, the more I give the more the Father provides. I have had moments where I wondered how I would pay my bills, how I would survive and I have never once not had exactly what I have needed. I have had pennies to my name and have seen the Father provide. I have made it a discipline to tithe even when according to my budget tithing is impossible. I have made it a discipline to continue to give to missionaries and ministries even when according to my budget I should not. I have made it my desire to spend time with others, travel to see those I love, even when I would have to give up purchases for myself. These past few years have shown me, have produced in me the less I have the more I desire to give; the less I have the more I desire to have because I desire to give more. The Father has created in me a hunger to give out of my need and to give out of my abundance. I want abundantly so I can give abundantly. And when I see the love of money taking root, the Father takes away. Not because He desires me to be in want, but because He desires me to be in Him. He desires to be my Center my Only whether in need or in abundance. I do not say these things to make myself look great or to make it seem like I am perfect. I am far from it. For years I desired to live in abundance to have for myself. Yes, I have always loved to give, I love giving to others it is an overwhelming desire in my heart, but there was still that inner battle of I wanted the nicest car, the prettiest clothes, the newest gadgets, the best of everything. When all was taken away I neglected to tithe because financially my budget said it was not possible. When I was in need I neglected to give. Then the Lord blessed me again financially a few years ago, for only a year. It was in that year I realized I was given to give, whether in want or in abundance I was given to give. So when the Father took everything away the following year, I knew I was to continue to tithe, continue to give, continue to minister. And He continued to take away and I knew I would be provided for. And He continued to take away and I doubted and I struggled but I knew I would be provided for.
The Father desires to bless and there is nothing wrong with wanting nice things, for desiring to have a nice outfit, a nice house. He wants to bless us but for the love of money, we must desire these things out of the remains not out of the firsts. We must give and give until we do not see a need and then what is left is for our enjoyment our pleasure. When we see the love of money growing root in our hearts, we must give it away and recenter our hearts. There is nothing wrong with wanting more, for desiring to have financially, if our hearts are truly pointed to the cross, if our desire to want more is in order to give more. He gives so we can give. To those much is given, much is expected.  Tithe, offer, give and see how He provides our daily needs, see how He provides the little blessings of a new outfit a nice house. We must desire these things not for our pleasure but for the glory of Him and to bless others. May our hearts ever be turned toward giving. May we desire to live as the church in Acts. May the Father be the Center and the Only in our hearts in our lives in our finances in our churches. For the Father gives and the Father takes away, yet through it all blessed be His name. 

For the Weary...Jesus Weeps

Through many trials, tribulations, and tests, the question often presents 'Where is He?'. Where is The Father? Followed by 'Why?'. Why is He not ending my pain? Why is He allowing this to happen? Why death? Why abuse? Why loss? Why hurt and pain and grief and sorrow?...Why is He not showing up? We cry out in anguish to only feel like our cries are reaching the ceiling or being cried into a great chasm of darkness. And then there is John 11. A story most growing up in the church have heard, a story seen more for its' glorious resurrection of the dead than for the heart of the words in between. We all know the story-Lazarus dies, Jesus weeps, and then Jesus calls him forth from the grave and he is made alive again. Yet, it is what is in the 'in-between' texts that strikes as the heart and truth of the story. The story begins with Martha and Mary sending for Jesus, saying "Lord whom you love is ill." And Jesus responds that this illness will not lead to death but it is for the glory of God and for the Son to be glorified through it. There is enough power in these words alone to blog all day, but Lazarus' illness was given for one reason and one reason only- for the glory of God. This alone brings a comfort to my spirit, my injury, my delayed healing, while painful, while discouraging and at times frustrating, it  could have been given for one reason and one reason only? For the Glory of God? The Lord has been there all the time?? And then the words fill the page and all that we have been taught or all that we have been told to believe are shattered in the next two verses. "Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when He heard that Lazarus was ill, He stayed two days longer..." He loved them....so He stayed. As my pastor would say, complete paradigm shift. The Son loved, so He stayed. He could have healed him from where He was; He could have immediately went to be by His side. He could have called 10000 angels to surround his room, yet He stayed. He loved Him so much He knew that by staying and not immediately interceding something greater would happen, something greater would be brought into being, something greater would be written. The Father could have immediately healed me when I was prayed over, the Father could have immediately ended my pain, the Father could have immediately released the power of His Spirit into my body for immediate healing, yet He waited. He waited because He knew that something far greater would be brought into being. The Father could have healed the little body of my infant niece; He could have reached down and brought air back into her lungs; He could have held her heart in His hand and pumped it Himself, yet He knew that something far greater would be brought into being through His bringing her back to Him. Sometimes the Father waits, not because He does not love us, not because He wants us to suffer, but because He knows that by waiting something greater is being moved and grown in us. And He knows that not only will His glory shine through us but He will be able to produce far greater fruit in us by waiting. And then it gets even better. Jesus already knows what He is about to do, The Creator has already planned before time began the ending to this story. The disciples approach Him and Jesus responds, "I am glad for your sake I was not there, so that you may believe." My suffering, my pain, my circumstances not only are bringing glory to Him but they are reaching out to others. The Father may delay not only for my sake but for the sake of others around me. Not only has my injury and my trials affected me but they have affected others. Not only did my niece's death affect my family but it affected so many more Through trials,through her death, the Lord has used it to bring others to believe. I, we, can walk in our trials knowing that our response, our actions, our words through Him, can bring others to believe. Martha approaches Him and professes her faith in Christ, Mary approaches Him, and two of the greatest most powerful words in Scripture are written. "Jesus wept." Jesus saw the pain of His daughters, Jesus saw the pain of His children, and He wept with them. In the midst of my tears, He is crying with me. In the midst of our tears, He is crying with us. While He has, in our minds, delayed a response, delayed an answer, He knows His children are hurting. He knows His children are needing their Father, and He cries with them. Yet He knows the end of the story, He knows that resurrection will come. He knows that rebirth and regeneration will happen, whether here on earth or in Heaven, whether now or in the eternal. He knows that joy will fill the sorrow, that light will fill the darkness. He knows that He will bring glory to the Father, the Son, and the Spirit, and He knows that by waiting, far greater will happen than anything we could imagine. For the weary, Jesus weeps. For the hurting, Jesus weeps. For the broken, abused, battered, injured, sick, Jesus weeps and He knows the end of the story. He has been there with you through it all and He has written an ending far greater than any you could have written. Jesus weeps, Jesus loves, Jesus resurrects. 

Take A Moment To Remember...

As I sit here, thinking of other blogs to write, thinking of the series of writings I am working on about stories, thinking about what I am to give up for Lent,  my thoughts keep wandering back to the word "remember." A few years ago a sweet friend told me, in the midst of all that was going on around her the Lord was calling her to "remember." Remember...at the time I thought what an interesting discipline, remembrance. And now sitting here I have come to see there are these moments, in our lives, where I feel the Lord has us pause...and remember. Moment's where in the midst of all the chaos of life...He...just...wants...us...to...pause. Because where we were and where we are and where we are heading are all converging on this moment...this...single...moment. The moment where we realize that the hardships and failures have led to a joyous moment of gratitude. And just like the Israelites would pause on the riverbank, give thanks for the Lord's provision, and leave an altar of stones for those who came behind to remember, we too must take moments to pause, to remember. and leave our own altars of remembrance. Saturday as I was running a race, a race I never thought I would run again, a race that meant so much more than 3.1 miles, I realized this is the moment. This is the moment where the past two years of questions, the two years of failed treatments culminating in a surgery that no one knew for sure would be successful, the past two years of watching my brave uncle battle ALS that ultimately claimed his life last year right before my surgery and knowing I am blessed to even be walking much less running, the present weeks of training patience and diligence through hurt and pain, and the future possibilities of my life collided. The moment where the hand of the Father was seen from the beginning of this journey to the now; the moment where as I was running up the final hill towards the finish, I could feel the Father taking the load from my leg, taking the load from my heart, and propelling me towards the finish. The moment where in the midst of my arms pumping all I could do was feebly raise my hand in thanks and sing in my head "there You go lifting my load again." The moment where as a song so perfectly puts it "the hurt and the Healer collide." I collided with my Healer, and in that moment the hurt and the pain collided with the Truth and from the collision came an outburst of joy and gratitude, of emotion and tears. This was the moment to remember, the moment to remember how far the Father has brought and how much further the Father is taking. The moment to remember what the Lord has done, remember Who the Lord is, and remember what He is continuing to do. As Lent approaches, this is a season to remember, this is a season to take this time to institute the discipline of remembrance. "Take a moment to remember...."


Great song of remembrance:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvdkbBPSx4I

Every Woman Has A Story...

I have a story...every person has a story....every woman has a story...
Someone steps up to the microphone, we think "here it goes again another testimony different than mine. How awesome her story, how boring mine." Someone in the corner begins to cry, "guess her story is the same." Another woman walks out of the room, "guess she is dealing with something similar." "Does anyone have the same story as me?" "Am I the only one who doesn't have something to share?" "Does my story really matter?" "Does God think I am boring?" "No one would want to listen to what I have to say." "I want to know the truth, I am seeking the truth too!" "I'm not outspoken, no one will hear me, no one will see me or notice me, I am not known." "I am not with the women's 'in' crowd." How familiar is this scene? How familiar are these thoughts? How heartbreaking are these lies? The truth is, we all at one point have had these thoughts, have had these questions. The truth is we have each fallen prey to the lies of the evil-one in regards to our stories and women. The truth is stories are important. We all have them. We were each given a story, written before time and it...is... important. 
As I began my career in athletic training, my mom gave me advice, advice I have never forgotten. She explained, I truly never know what my athletes and students may be going through. I do not know what they go home to at night, and I will not unless I take time to know them. A student may be sleeping through my class because he has to work late and stay up all night protecting his siblings; an athlete may not be healing, no matter how well we rehab, only because I am the only one who sees value in her. My mom advised I must know my athletes' stories. And by knowing their stories, I would reach them in ways many cannot. She encouraged me to not look at a class or team roster and listen to what others say, but find out for myself their story. If this is true of me as an athletic trainer, of me as a medical professional, is this not even more true of me as a woman, a woman of faith, a woman desiring to make a difference for Christ? And if my athletes' stories are important, are the stories of the women in the church, my sisters in Christ, not equally as important? 
So why then is one of the most difficult relationships, the relationship between women? Why do we become fearful of sharing among our sisters? Because the world has not helped in fostering this relationship, the world has set standards for women physically emotionally mentally that are impossible to reach. And the world has seeped into the core and heart of the church. The world has created a fear that if we grow to close, we will be hurt. The church has created a fear, by creating segregating programs and unspoken hierarchies, that we have nothing in common. Translating to a fear of being in different places in life thus being rejected. Because of fear, women compare, women are critical, women are cliquey. Through the world and the church, we have been hurt, have been made to feel less, have been attacked, and our relationships have suffered. We as women have fallen to the lies that other women are out to "get us" to ruin us, we have fallen to the lies that having relationships with women will end in drama and pain. How many times have I heard women, even women my age, say they have more friends who are male than female? How sad and how scary. Having professional and personal relationships with males within the context of biblical community and with heart-seeking spiritual discernment are needed. However, outside the relationship one has with their spouse, the deep meaningful truly transparent relationships we need and desire need to be developed through relationships with other women. But fear has driven us away from our sisters, away from other women and when it comes to realizing every woman has a story, we fail.
Titus 2 is adamant about the older teaching the younger about women sharing and learning from each other. And there are multiple scriptures about the importance of sharing, learning, growing, edifying, encouraging others in spirit and in truth. Jesus Himself was interested in the stories of those He reached and in the lives of those He changed, when He changed a life He called them by their story. "You were an adulterer now you are free." "You were blind but now you can see." "You have lived with many men but now you know the One True Man." "You were a murder now you are a fisher of men." Even I myself call my athletes by their stories, "You had a sprained ankle, now you can run again." "You tore your ACL, trust the work we have put in and the rehab we have done, you are healed." "You were on the sideline, now you are in the game." It is time we break down the chains of fear, the bondage of personal pride, the lies of the evil one and live in truth. It is time we as women in the church and the greater body of Christ be a living example to the world of love, support, vulnerability, responsibility, faith. It is time we as women of faith stand up to the world to its' lies and defend what scripture says about each of us, defend what scripture says is truth. It is time we search scripture, search the Word for ourselves and not fall into the habit of what the church calls truth and seek out what is truth, we no longer live confined to what the pulpit says as truth. We have Bibles, we have Truth in our grasp, measure what is said by what the Scripture says. It is time we listen to the stories of our own and applaud all stories, applaud all the ways the Father is moving and the lives that are being transformed, from the simple to the amazing. All stories are equal to the Father, all stories were created by Him through Him and for Him. Every woman has a story and the Father is working through His Son and in partnership with His Spirit to complete a good work in each woman and that work is changing growing being tested and tried until her day of completion. And until that day, her story is one to be heard, to be shared. What a call for women to rise up....every woman has a story....even I have a story...

Do I Have A Story?...(Part 1)

Do I have a story?...to be transparent, for so long I have felt I do not. I have sat through many amazing testimonies; testimonies of how the Lord has saved from drug abuse, alcoholism, sexual abuse, physical abuse; testimonies of women who's mothers aborted them and they survived; testimonies of adoption, redemption, and I have clapped and shouted a Baptist "Amen!" to the work the Father has done and how good He is, but that is not my story. I do not have a blinded by the light, hit by a 2x4, awaken in the middle of the night story. I am not a Paul on the road to Damascus, or a Roman jailer awakened to an earthquake. Rarely, if ever have I heard someone share who's life has been like mine. Occasionally as a teenager, I would wonder, do I need to purposefully do something really bad in order to have a better story? Of course, this sounds ridiculous, and praise God I never did, but these human thoughts these fleshly thoughts have crossed my mind. To make my story even less a story, I do not have a date, I do not even know the exact year (my mom remembers I was 4), and for so long, I was made to feel 'unsaved' because of such. I truly believe from the time I was twelve until about twenty-one I asked Christ to save me at least one hundred times because I had been told I needed a date and a time. Now I am exaggerating on the one hundred but I am saying this to make a simple point: I do not know the hour I do not know the day but I know because He is alive in me and I grow more repulsed by my propensity to sin and more in love with Him each day that is what matters and for so long I fought the lies of the enemy because people in the church made those thoughts real and alive.
But despite knowing I am a follower of Christ, what is my story? Truthfully, I can not recall a time from a podium, pulpit, or stage a testimony of one that resembles mine, when asked to share testimonies, the one's with these amazing stories are chosen. And rightfully so, how powerful their stories! How amazing our Jesus, what the Father Son and Holy Spirit do working together is powerful and miraculous! I truly truly love to hear the stories of all my brothers and sisters around the world.  But the lack of testimonies shared that are similar to mine has caused me to wonder, what is my story? Do I even have a story worth sharing?
Over the last couple of years I have battled this question, I have battled the lies that I do not have a story. It would be boring, if I was to tell my story. My story has no glitz, no wow factor. If I were to write, no one would read and if I were to speak, no one would want to hear. These are all lies, lies we each believe, lies straight from the devil that pierce straight through our hearts. Every story is important, every story is unique, every journey is different, and the journey the Father created uniquely for me before time began is a journey only I can run. There is no shame in having a story that is different, there is no fear in having a story that in my eyes is boring, because the Lord did not create my life to be boring, He took the time and thoughtfully planned every detail of my appearance, every second of my life, every word that I am to say, every thought that I will think, nothing has surprised Him, nothing is not going according to His perfect plan. My God has written my story, He has carved it in the palm of His hand and He is continuing to work in me until my day of completion. My God is Sovereign over even my story...and I am learning to believe, yes, I do have a story, I have a story worth hearing, I have a story worth sharing. And not only do I have a story, but every woman has a story...

The Church's Unspoken Hierarchy...

Every society has a hierarchy of sorts, whether spoken or unspoken, since the beginning, man has relegated themselves to tiers, hierarchies, rungs to climb, and the majority of the tiers one has to climb are based on reaching the next goal, moving to the next chapter in life, making more money, acquiring more knowledge. Society from the time you are born has seemed to map out your predicted future. the next tier you are to reach: you are born, you reach developmental milestones, you attend school, graduate high school, go to college, graduate college, begin a career and at the same time the career is beginning, you are to find love, get married, have children....and etc etc. And as you go from tier to tier, rung to rung, the high school and college you attend, the career you choose, the number of children you have, all have their own hierarchy, their own place in society, one will be relegated to. It is mind boggling and migraine begging and if placed on paper chart confusing the societal hierarchies we have created, and if at any point in life one deviates from the norm, there is much confusion and pressure to return back to the norm.
Unfortunately what I have seen, in the place one should find the most acceptance and peace, is an unspoken hierarchy, that stems from society yet has changed to make itself appear "more spiritual" "more godly." And this is the church's' hierarchy. Education, socioeconomic status, and career choice, while subtly there, do not seem to have affected the church as much as marriage and parental status. Churches have programized and socialized, segregated and relegated their bodies according to marital and parental status and at times have made it seem like a ladder to climb as you travel along your journey. Do you remember promotion Sunday? I do, it was the Sunday where as a child you would stand at the front of the church and be promoted from one Sunday school classroom to the next. (maybe this was a good ole ARP doing!) While as a child it was fun and enjoyable to move from classroom to classroom and it was needed for developmental and social reasons, as an adult the fun is lost and the enjoyment is no more. But it seems there are churches who continue to see weddings, child birth as a form of "promotion Sunday." Once you get married you are now "eligible" to be promoted into the young married couples Sunday school class and Bible study; once you have children you are promoted to the young married with children, etc. and if at any point you find yourself older with young children or older and single or older and no children, you have to navigate your way into figuring out where you fit in, begin to question do you truly belong, and speaking from the heart, begin to feel less of a person because you are not "moving up" the ladder of the church.
Now let me take a brief moment to say, it is extremely important for young couples to have other young couples, and mothers to have other mothers and wives to have other wives and singles to have other singles and I could continue on. I am in no way saying that these relationships are not important nor are not needed. It is extremely important to have others speaking into our lives who have and are living similar journeys. I am purely speaking from my heart, based on the feelings and incidents I have experienced, to the heart of the church and to the desires I have seen and heard spoken over the last 10-15 years from women of all walks of life.
Having been single for 34 years, I have seen women walk the other way as I have walked through lobbies. I have sat alone in seats in sanctuaries watching elders and pastors meet the couples around me and only to be skipped over. I have heard pastors speak of the 'sin of singleness' because in Genesis we are commanded to be fruitful and multiply and man is not to be alone; I have been told I can not attend Bible studies (the only Bible studies offered for women my age) because I am single. I have been the one asked to serve because I am single and have free time, and multiple times I have felt less of an individual based on comments made towards me because I am still in one journey of life and have not moved to the next.
Recently I had the privilege of attending a women's retreat through my church. Women of all ages, all walks of life, all stories, came together for a weekend away. As I looked about the room, most women were married, most had children, some were older, some were younger, and having been in this position before, I was waiting for "it" to happen, the moment someone realizes you are single and either decides not to converse with you or asks married womens' favorite questions of why are you single, you are perfect for someone, where are all the good men, are you dating anyone, followed by the age old, "just wait he will come when you least expect it."  I was waiting to turn and gag and think "here we go again" with my pat answer of I don't know, obviously men do not think I am perfect, I wish I knew where all the good men were, I am not dating anyone, and I have been waiting 34 years I think I know what patient means by now. But "it" never happened, women spoke to me like we had been friends for years; women asked about life what I enjoyed what I loved to do. No one was concerned about my job, my career, my singleness, they were concerned about me. Just me. For the first time, the hierarchy was broken and I looked about a room and saw women loving each other and loving their Father. And I felt like a woman, an equal. Just a woman. Not a single woman. Not a childless woman. Just a woman.
What a treasure and a blessing to see that cycles can be broken that hierarchies can be demolished.  How will this hierarchy continue to be broken in the church, in our lives, and most of all in women? By churches seeing the value of all people regardless of their status, by women taking the time to speak with other women and learning their story, and by not relegating members to certain categories and simply, just simply, doing the one thing we are all commanded to do...."Love the Lord OUR God with ALL our hearts, with ALL our souls, with ALL our strength, and will ALL our minds. And love our neighbors as ourselves."
This friends will break cycles and release freedom to churches to thrive to grow to love to serve and to represent the Kingdom in ways unimaginable. 

Quick Challenge....

As part of a fast at church, I have turned off technology in the mornings and have spent time reading scriptures and searching the Word on various subjects that arise within the church. Raised reformed, visited various denominations, lived in different cultures, been an active member of various denominations, I have always challenged myself to search scripture first then search man's interpretations and to look at the various viewpoints through the eyes of scripture. What does the Word truly say? There is always one subject that divides not unifies believers...baptism...I read this article today and I find it awesome that it is from a father to a daughter, and while he explains and biblically backs his reasons and leads to scripture after scripture, he ends with the challenge to his daughter "you search scripture." I challenge us all, to be searchers of scripture; even if you are a "believer" baptizer not an "infant" baptizer, why do you believe one over the other? Have you searched the others viewpoint? Have you read and actively studied your own? And not just baptism, this just happens to be what I was reading, but any subject, anything you hear from the pulpit, anything you read in a book...be a searcher of the Scriptures, be a reader of the Word, may your eyes be opened to truth after truth by actively participating in the word...Here is the article for those who want to read it:

http://clark.wscal.edu/dejbaptism.php