Lenten Post 10: Dear Lindsay...

(Having written to each of my nieces, I have decided throughout this year I am going to dedicate a post to family and close friends on their birthdays...)

Dear Lindsay,
There are times in life where the Lord leads us, and we do not understand why. We are obedient and the blessings that come from obedience are abundant. I still to this day am amazed the Lord ordained a "meeting at the rehab pool" that has turned into a life-long friendship. When I went in to speak with you that day, I had no idea a friendship would be born. But what a blessing in knowing the Lord works in all circumstances, while I went in with the idea of you mentoring a young student, the Lord had other plans. Words can not express how grateful and thankful I am to the Lord for bringing you into my life. It is as if the Lord knew I needed another "sister." (And seeing how closely you and Christy resemble each other in your treatment of me, I often question His "thinking!"...this past weekend, both of you on the sofa asking for me to wait on you?!?) Christy had moved to Charleston and the times I had spent with her and her family were no longer as frequent, my grandfather had just passed away, I was about to move, and the Lord moved you into my life. In the eyes of the world, not the best of timing, but in the eyes of the Lord perfect timing. He ordained each step in the beginning of our friendship and He has continued to ordain each step along the way. There have been moments where it seemed our friendship may fail, there have been moments where it seemed we would give up and walk away, there have been moments where all we knew was frustration and disappointment, anger and hurt. But out of those moments of darkness, the light has shown and in the place of frustration disappointment anger and hurt has grown patience encouragement forgiveness and love. The Lord has molded our friendship like none other, the Lord is the center and will be the center of our lives. He has taken us together from the depths of hurt and placed us in the ocean of joy. I praise Him for He is faithful to answer the prayers of His children, He is faithful in restoring those He chooses to restore. I praise Him daily for our friendship, our true sisterhood for He is Who has made it great, He is who has sustained it. You are truly irreplaceable, uniquely you, no one else can serve the place in my life that you serve, for the Lord created you distinctly you. Lindsay, you are a beautiful and talented woman of faith. Your love for the Lord is contagious and passionate. Your desire to follow Him is so zealous that when you fail you are truly heartbroken and discouraged. However, do not see your failures as disappointments, do not hold on to the guilt and pain. You are forgiven you are loved; you have been shown mercy and grace. The Lord has spoken over you and claimed you, you are marked with a seal and can not be broken. Your battles have been won, your victory is there. You are greater than the world because He Who is living and moving inside of you has already overcome the world. The last chapter of your story is written, the last battle has already been fought, the outcome has already been decided! You will suffer, you will fall, you will hurt, you will be broken down battered and abused. For our time here on earth is short but we are to suffer as He suffered, we are surrounded by a world and a flesh that want to tear us down and keep us down, but take heart Sis, you are not of this world! You have been bought with a prize, you are a treasure, you are an heir, you are clothed with strength and with dignity! Through all my years of attempting to mentor young women (and young men), I have learned that I can not change them, I can not make them change how they feel how they act how they see what is around them, but I can pray. I can encourage. I can uplift. I can be. I look forward to the day with eager excitement and anticipation when your chains are gone, when the bondage is no more, when all your desires and passions are met, when you can dance with joy over the blessings the Lord has provided, when you see all you have prayed for come to fruition. I praise Him for all He has done and is doing in your life. I praise Him for the woman of faith you desire to be. I praise Him for the woman of passion and love you exemplify. You are loved and you are loved abundantly. May He do far more in your life than you can ever imagine.....Love you so much...Your Older Wiser Sister...

Lenten Post 9: Strength for Today...

I am finding this season of Lent to be extra difficult. I do not know about everyone else but there are seasons in life that never seem to end, this is one. I began this season of fasting with a desire to grow closer to the Lord, I have failed at my fast, I have tried to persevere, but it seems Resurrection Sunday will never come. How often do we stand at the crossroads of life, looking for a glimmer of hope, only to see the glimmer fade into darkness? How often do we feel we are caught in a vicious cycle of failures, discouragements, mistakes, tests, trials and as we find our way through, another one hits and then another?  How often do we desire to grow closer to the Lord, only to see our faith and hope dwindle? How often do we pray for Resurrection Sunday to come, only to experience another loss another trial? As believers, we know the truth, but it is hard to swallow the truth. We know that in order to grow we must also suffer as Christ suffered. We know that in order to experience eternal joy we will have temporary pain. We know that while we have a Father Who loves and does not hurt us, we live in a fallen world that will hate and hurt us. We know that we have a Father Who disciplines and corrects not punishes and condemns but in understanding the difference we can only see the worldly ones who punish and condemn and therefore we see our trials as punishments and our tests and condemnation. We know that in ALL things the Lord works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His will and purpose but we wonder where is the good. We know that we are forgiven of all our sins and our claimed as righteous through the blood of the Lamb and there is no shame nor guilt yet we see our hearts our filth our sins and we wonder how could anyone love us, how could the Father love us. We know that if we give all we have to the poor and we tithe to the church and we spend our money not on things for ourselves but on things for others and we are good stewards of what we have been given, we too will be blessed but we see the bills piling up, we see the debt continue to rise and we wonder where are the blessings. We know that the Father gave the ultimate sacrifice in the Son and that He experienced loss and that in order for us to experience joy and salvation there was a sacrifice yet we doubt the Father understands our loss and we question how He could allow things to happen. Believing the Lord is Sovereign and all things pass through His hand, believing the Lord is a Father who loves His own, believing the Lord is a Healer, a Miracle Worker, a Provider, a Warrior, a King, a Ruler, believing becomes difficult. We see the Lord as a Healer but not a Provider; we see the Lord as a Ruler but not a Father. We stand at yet another crossroad in life, in an unending season, and we realize we have a choice. We look behind us and we see while it may not have been easy, we have survived. While it may not have been pretty, we have found beauty in the midst. While we may not have what we want, we have always had what we needed. While we have had loss, we have been given. We look in front of us and we see nothing, blackness, we know we have been unfaithful at times, we know that we have doubted, but we see a glimmer in the distance. We look back, we remember. We look forward and we trust. We slowly move a step and we realize we have strength needed for that moment. We step again and we gain a little more strength. And as each day passes, we see we have strength for today, hope for tomorrow, He was faithful, and He is faithful. Strength for today...bright hope for tomorrow. Resurrection Sunday will come...but as for today, strength for today...hope for tomorrow.

Lenten Post 8: Trust...

Trust, small word hard concept. Trust God, small sentence hard concept. We have heard it many times and in many different ways, trust is one of the hardest things to earn yet one of the easiest to lose (and hardest to re-gain).  Why do we have such a hard time trusting? Why do we have such a hard time trusting the Lord? Quite simply, humans fail. As quickly as you learn to trust someone and become  open and vulnerable, something is said or something is done and the trust you believed was there is gone. Your best friend lies, your husband cheats, your children deceive, your co-worker competes, your character is attacked. You go through months of false accusations, miscommunication, and misunderstandings; you feel all blame is being placed on you, when in truth all you have done is love, listen, and care. You go through months of seeing others "happy" on behalf of your hurt and pain. Trust, so quickly broken, so slowly regained. It is no wonder that when it comes to trusting the Lord, we as humans constantly struggle. When all we know is how we feel, and how we feel is broken and used, and all we see are humans failing, how can we trust Someone we can not see to never fail us nor leave us broken? One of the greatest mistakes we as humans make is placing godly characteristics on humans (they will not fail us) and human characteristics on God (he will fail us). We expect humans to be more like God and God to be more like humans. We see the hurt and the pain that our friends and family have caused yet expect them to never hurt us never make us feel pain. We know the Lord is faithful and we can trust Him because He is the same yesterday today and forever, constant never changing, yet we expect Him to hurt us and make us feel pain because that is what here on earth we constantly battle. So how do we respond to broken trust, to hurt, to pain? How do we trust the Lord and others? We respond by forgiving, loving, and believing. Forgiveness is the first step towards learning to trust again. We must forgive others for the sins committed against us. We forgive because we have been forgiven. Will it be hard to trust again? Yes, it will be. Will there be times where we wonder and doubt? Yes, there will be. Will the relationship always be mended? No, it will not always. Will there be moments in mended and reconciled relationships where the one who has broken trust must understand the struggle of the other to trust again and be patient and forgiving and loving towards them? Yes, there will. But in order to move forward in trusting we must forgive. The Lord was denied three times before His death, yet He still uttered "Forgive them..." But it does not start and stop with forgiveness, we also must love others despite the sins committed against us, despite the broken promises deceits and hurts. We love because He first loved us. Will it be hard to love someone who has hurt? Yes, it will be. Will it be hard to love unconditionally and despite the pain? Yes, it will be. Will we always act out of love towards the other? No, we will not always. Will it take understanding by the other and their loving of us? Yes, if reconciliation of trust is to happen. But in order to trust again we must love. The Lord hung on a cross for us out of love, despite all we had done, despite all our sins, He still loved. And we believe, we believe that true reconciliation is possible. We believe that forgiveness and love can conquer a multitude of sins. We believe because even despite our faithlessness, He is still faithful. We as believers in Christ can see that despite the pain and hurt and trials of this life, He has never changed, always the same, His love has never failed, His forgiveness and mercies are new every morning. And we can believe that reconciliation and restoration is possible. Will every relationship be mended? No, it will not. Will every person who has caused feelings of hurt and pain seek forgiveness? No, they will not. But we have the power within us to forgive, to love, and to believe that with Him we can trust again, that even if we are hurt again, that even if our trust in someone is broken again, we can always Trust God because He is faithful even when those around us and even when we ourselves are faithless. During this Lenten season let us begin to truly grasp how deep and how wide is the forgiveness and love of the Lord and we let us truly believe we can Trust Him through every season. 

Lenten Post 7: Wounded...

This world is cruel. We are tempted and we are tried, we are knocked down and we are pushed flat on our faces. We fall to the traps the world has to offer and we seek contentment and pleasure in fleshly gains. We are wounded. We are battered and tattered and we are broken. When we read stories in the Bible, we often relate to the characters not because of the good they have done but the sins they have committed or the hurt they have felt. When we think of Eve, we see the snake that has tempted and fooled us. When we read the book of Job, we see the multiple losses we have sustained. When we hear of David, we see the immorality in our own life. When we read of Paul, we see the hatred and bitterness rooted deep in our heart. When Judas betrays, we remember our own betrayal. When Peter lies and denies, we too realize how many times we have lied and denied our faith. We are wounded. We are battered and tattered and we are broken. We forget that Eve was disciplined for her sin yet granted forgiveness and allowed to live. We forget that Job never once denied the Lord and stayed true to his faith even when his friends were tempting. We forget that David was the apple of the Lord's eye and was the one in whom He found great favor. We forget that Paul was blinded by the light and became one of the greatest teachers and preachers the world has ever known. We forget that Judas never repented and killed himself because of his betrayal. We forget that Peter was called the "rock on whom I will build my church." We are wounded. We are battered and tattered and we are broken. We find it hard to believe that we, we who love so deeply and desire Him so passionately can be swept away by one word, one action, one temptation, one person, one mistake into a spiral of sin. We find it hard to think that one phone call can push us to our knees. We find it hard to believe we have a propensity for sin, that we are totally deprived, that we are not inherently good. We find it hard to think that sufferings and trials are a part of this life. And then we remember we are living in a world, a fallen world, that we are surrounded by the flesh daily, that we are born into sin and are totally deprived, and that we too must share in the sufferings of Christ. And we remember that while we are wounded, battered, tattered, and broken, we are not defeated. We who are in Christ, we who are passionately seeking Him, we are forgiven. We are redeemed. We have been washed by the blood of the Son. We must repent, we must walk the road to the cross daily, we must gaze upon the cross daily. We must turn from our sin, daily. The cross and Resurrection are not a license to sin but a freedom to live. We who are in Christ must daily see our sin, daily take up our cross and daily follow Him. Lent, a season of repentance, a time where we fast from the world and its pleasures in order to rejoice in the Resurrection- we are wounded, we are battered and tattered and we are broken. But we are made whole in Him, we are found not guilty, we are redeemed, there is no shame, we are made new! And we are brought to life with His life and Resurrection! Rejoice for the day of Redemption is near! 

Lenten Post 6: Forgiveness...

Lent, the season of repentance, the season of seeing our sin as sin and turning towards the Cross, but with repentance comes forgiveness. Forgiveness, while it is a powerful and intriguing concept it is difficult to comprehend and truly practice. How can Someone, Who knows me inside and out, Who knows my thoughts before they are brought to mind, Who knows my words before they are spoken, Who knows my actions before they are enacted, Who knows ME, forgive? Yet once it is tasted is as sweet as honey. The freedom that comes from forgiveness can only be found in the grace and mercy of the Cross. When I think about the Lord, when I think about Me, when I realize the One person Who knows me better than I know myself, loves me unconditionally and once I seek repentance and forgiveness am forgiven and need not bring it back to Him because He has thrown it as far as the east is from the west, I can not help but be filled with an overwhelming joy and a peace. However, this joy and peace, this grace and mercy, this repentance and forgiveness is not just to be shared between Our Father and ourselves; it is to be shared with our brothers and our sisters, our neighbors and our coworkers. We forgive because we have been forgiven. It is hard to not understand why the Lord commanded us to forgive seventy times seven, because we are human and to forgive someone is the most difficult discipline to practice. How often we say, I will forgive but...I will forgive if...I will forgive when....instead of, I forgive. We justify, we qualify, we harbor bitterness anger grief shame guilt. It takes seventy times seven for us to forgive the simples of sins. What freedom we would find if we just forgave, nothing required just pure unconditional forgiveness. I love you therefor I will forgive you. I do not know you but I will forgive you. Those closest to us, those that know us, truly know us better than we know ourselves, will be the ones who hurt us the most. Yet when we think back to the cross, to the One hanging there, Who took all my sins on Him and Who still loves me greater than I even imagine, has forgiven me, how can I not forgive? And how can I not forgive myself? Many of us find it easier to forgive others yet can not forgive ourselves. We believe that the guilt shame heartache we live with is our punishment for our crimes. We believe that we can never be truly free because of the actions or words we have let slip from our lives. But that same forgiveness that same freedom and sweet honey that is given to us from the Cross of Christ that is poured out on others is poured out on us. We can forgive our selves because we have been forgiven. We can live in freedom because we know the Freer. We can cast off all shame and guilt because our sins have been cast out. Repentance is just a step. We can stop at repentance and never understand forgiveness, or we can repent and live in the freedom of the forgiveness we have been given. This Lent do not stop at repentance but move into the freedom that comes from the Cross and the Resurrection the forgiveness of sins and the life everlasting. 

Lenten Post 5: Dear Elisea...

Dear Elisea,

I was going to wait a few days before writing this post to you. Especially considering I just wrote to your sister. But yesterday I had a conversation with your Mommy and well, there is no better time than the present to write. From the day you were born, you were considered a miracle child, a blessing, a gift. Your birth came on the heels of a tragic time in the life of your family and friends. You were born into this world without knowing the hurt and pain we had experienced. To this day, you do not understand nor I pray you ever will understand the pain and hurt of tragedy. But the Lord gives and He takes away. And when He gave you, He gave us a gift. The first time I laid eyes on you I knew there would be a special bond between us, because of things beyond your control you had been thrust into the role of a firstborn child, and that is a role only a few are called to fill. However, I did not know the first time I held you I was holding a "mini-me," I only saw a "first"born daughter and I knew that our relationship would be different than any other niece or nephew. But as I have watched you grow I see glimpses of me in you, from your strong willed ways to your stubbornness to your leadership qualities, but most of all, I see your servant's heart your caring spirit, your spunk, your desire to pray for others even if you do not know them, your love of Jesus. Do not let others look down on you for being strong willed, independent, young girl, your ability to stand your ground and not back down will keep you from many wrong decisions, heartaches, and failures in life. But do not let your stubbornness and strong will keep you from missing out on the opportunities the Lord may present you or the ability to care and empathize for others, even if you do not agree with them. I see a natural born leader in you, the ability to command the room and all of those in it. Being a leader and the desire to lead is a God-given trait, but use it with all wisdom and discernment the Spirit gives you. Lead by example, lead by actions and if necessary lead with words. Words will be important they can encourage, they can critique. A true leader knows when they are necessary. Those traits that are difficult to parent right now as you grow in the love of Jesus and as you understand His word will begin to produce fruit, spiritual fruit. I know you are a prayer warrior, even at the ripe young age of 4. I have seen you pray for people that you do not know only because you care and want them to know Jesus and His love. I have seen you pray for healing and for hearts. Do not lose your desire to pray. Do not let the world take this from you, if you do not see answers it does not mean your prayers are not heard. If you are discouraged and do not feel the Lord even cares about your prayers, do not let these thoughts from satan keep you from praying. You have a prayer warrior's spirit, may it never be quenched. You are a servant, I see moments where you desire to serve and care for others over yourself. Never let the temptation to think of yourself before others come to fruition. Fight the temptation and keep the Lord first others second and then yourself. This does not mean to be week and timid easily taken advantage of, but this means even when others do not understand, even when others think you are indecisive or being taken advantage of, to stay true to the Gospel and truly think of others before yourself. It will become a way of life, it will become an innate gift that you will know no other way to live. Dying to self and living in Him. 

When I held you for the first time, I felt a bond a deep sense of love that I have never felt again. While I desire strongly to have a family, a husband and children of my own. I know my desires are in His hands and in His timing. And I desire to one day feel this joy and love again, but I know what it feels like. I know the raw emotion of seeing this tiny face look up and you and the joy of knowing you have been given the opportunity to help raise this little being. And then to watch you grow and have people closest to you say she is just like you, what a humbling honor to know the Lord has given me the chance to help mold you. To guide you and love you, to hopefully keep you from making the mistakes I have made, to protect you, to love you through all the ups and downs this life will give you, I know the Lord has great things for you. He would not create you with the unique personality He has without having something great in store for you. He would not have brought you into this world exactly when He did without having a great journey for you to take. 

I pray you never know a day without the Father's love, I pray you never know a day without the love of your family. I pray for the day you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart He was killed for your transgressions and He was raised from the dead to bring you life. I know that day is coming and it is coming soon. The communion you have with the Spirit and the Father already is evidence of the work of the Spirit the moving of the Spirit in your heart already. 

Know how much you are loved....Aunt Jynne

PS: I have NOOO clue where she got the pose from in the last picture...Aunt Jynne does NOT take pictures with her hand on her hip and her head cocked to the side;)....(guess little eyes are always watching!)

Lenten Post 4: Dear Julia...

Dear Julia,

November 9, 2010, a day I will not forget because it is a day I was not able to be where my heart wanted me to be. I had seen the birth of your sisters, Emeline and Elisea but because I had moved to Durham, I was not going to be able to see you enter this world. A few days after your birth, I traveled late in the night to come meet you for the first time. I had fallen asleep for only a few hours on the sofa when I heard your first cries. You weren't like your sisters, you had this powerful yet petite cry. This small but loud sound coming from this small petite little body. I wiped the sleep from my eyes and stumbled down the hall to see you. Your mommy had just finished nursing you and rose to hand you to me. I have never known the joy of holding my own child, at least not yet. But I know the joy can not be much greater than holding the child of someone you love. And I have had the opportunity to do that multiple times. You see Julia, the Lord may bless you with your own children, or He may not. It is not for us to determine but Him. He knows our hearts, He knows our desires, and we have to trust that He is faithful to bring those to fruition in His timing and in His own special way. I know the joy the contentment the love that comes from a child, the child may not have been birthed from me, but they are still a part of my heart a part of who I am. Maybe this is the secret to contentment, being joyful for what the Lord has given even if it comes in a package you may have not designed. Holding you for the first time, seeing your little petite body, I fell in love all over again. When Emeline passed, I made a promise to her to the Lord that I would love each moment I had with my family, but especially the little ones the Lord placed in my life, as if it were the last. I would protect and cherish, I would love and discipline. I would laugh and I would cry with them. Mommy's and Daddy's have been given the most important job on earth in raising a child, but Aunties's they have been given just as important a role. We come in and out of your life and are only given a few days here and a few days there to impact, to teach, to have fun, to love. The time we have is more precious than any other time because it is here and then it is not. We have been given the right and the privilege to love you as our own and to partner with your parents in raising you in His image and in His Word. But we can spoil you with a little more candy, a piece of cake, a day at the park, a new outfit or toy. We can light up your eyes within a moment just by walking in the door unexpectedly. So my dearest Julia, you have been the baby now for a few years and are about to be the middle. You have a sweet yet mischievous spirit....you are loving and caring yet funny and definitely you are you. I pray as you grow each year that you will know Who the Lord is in real and amazing ways. That you will never go a day without knowing His grace and His mercy. That you will be the baby sister the middle sister you have been created to be, the peacemaker, the one who changes the moment with a smile or a joke. You do not have to be a leader, your sister has already established that role and has been gifted for that role, but you do not have to be a follower either. Lead when needed follow when needed but be you. The world will bombard you with falsehoods with images with temptations, if you ever are caught in the middle of a path and not sure which way to go, I am here. I will help you, I will guide you, I will pray for you. That's what Auntie's are for, when you need a little guidance and you can not talk to your parents, we are here. Not to keep a secret from them but to be another person who is helping raise you and guide you. I am not perfect, nor will I ever claim to be, but I pray as you get older you can look to me as an example as a role model. Whether it is something I have done wrong for you not to emulate or whether it is something I have done right, look to me, follow me. And if at any point I am not pointing you to the cross to the Father then I pray the Lord convicts me and shows me of my sin. My sweet Julia when the Lord brought you into this world, He knew exactly what you would look like, He knew your frame your beauty, do not let the world take this from you, find your security and your assurance in Him. He knew you would light up the room with a smile, keep smiling. He knew you would make people laugh you would have your quirky ways do not change because the world may tell you to change. You will fall down, you will make mistakes, but do not live in the grief and the shame and the guilt, when you are weak He is strong, repent and let the freedom of His forgiveness cover you and move you forward. There is something special a special bond that occurs the first time you hold a newborn baby, a feeling words truly can not describe. My dear Julia I pray you never will go a day without knowing how special you are and how loved you are. May the Lord bless you may He keep you safe, may He bring about a work and a journey for your life that none of us can even imagine. You are a child of the King and one day I can not wait to hear the words come from your mouth that Jesus is Lord and Saviour of your life. I love you from the moment I first knew you were to be my niece....Aunt Jynne