"If we are going to change our lives, what we’re going to have to change is the way we see." I have already addressed the areas we search and attempt to find community. But through my prayers and scripture reading and through the conversations with my friends, I realized I am lacking an important piece to the puzzle. I have an amazing accountability group of three other wonderful godly women and we are just now scratching the surface on true accountability and sharing and our times together have gotten deeper and more of a blessing each time. I look forward to seeing continued growth in the future. I also hopefully will have a Bible study with two friends and will tackle some tough issues the three of us face. But there is one piece missing, being plugged into a local church. Before I begin on the ideas flowing through my brain, I want to take the time to share two examples among many of young families growing their children in the community of the church.
I look at one of my dearest friend's family. She and her husband have two beautiful girls, ages almost 4 and almost 2. They take teaching their children and raising their children in the Word very seriously and it starts in their home where Scripture is displayed and taught daily. From there, they have their family fully vested in their local church. Both parents, invest in small group ministries, time alone with other men and time alone with other women, time teaching youth and children. They are teaching their girls to invest by giving them ways to serve the pastor and others in the church by small service projects, by engaging them in the worship service, by being active in Sunday school. They are, at young ages, developing true community through their church. But it does not stop there, they in return minister to others around them. They take treats to neighbors, make copies for teachers, visit their dad at work and minister to his coworkers, spend time with their grandparents, collect money for local organizations, and they are only 4 and 2! But what truth they are being taught! They are being taught Truth first in the home, then they are finding community and fellowship within their church, then not only are they finding community but they are serving in their church, and in part they are serving those around them! I look within my own family and I see my own two beautiful nieces, who are almost 4 and almost 2. My sister and brother-in-law are teaching them Truth in the home, they place Scripture around the home, engage in nightly devotions and Bible readings, sing hymns and praise songs throughout the day. They engage my nieces in worship in the service on Sundays and have them actively involved in fellowship with others from church, having friends from church with whom they actively pursue relationships. My nieces attend times of Bible study and other functions within the church and then they serve alongside the church members in various service projects and ministry opportunities. And from there are sent to minister in their communities to friends they meet on the Air Force Base, through MOPS, and other organizations! These are just two of the amazing examples I have before me! Both families are changing their lives by changing the way they see!
At first reading of the devotion by Ann Voskamp I read it purely based on what she was writing for the day, but the quote continued to resound in my mind. "If we are going to change our lives, what we’re going to have to change is the way we see." The Lord continued to bring back conversations with friends from the week and the recent past. It is extremely hard to plug into a local church being single. I am not pulling the single card, it is very difficult. We can walk into a room sit down and be passed over very easily. I have watched greeters look directly past me and to a couple sitting near me. But it hit me last night reading an email from an amazing single woman. I daily choose the attitude I am going to have, yes I have the desire to be married and have a family but that desire will be filled when my desire and His desire cross paths and until then I can choose to sit silent and not be active and not serve or I can choose to live a joy filled exciting life and actively serve. So it boils down to what is my agenda with church? Am I looking for a church that has a vibrant young adult/singles program that caters to people exactly like me, living exactly like I do, am I looking for a church that has programs geared towards me, and that possibility of finding that special man as I walk through the door? This is just one agenda we as singles walk into church with but what is my agenda, my personal agenda, with church, finding something for me or serving and glorifying the Lord? Because if I am going to church and basing it off of my agenda it will fail every time and every other church, the pasture on the other side, will look a whole lot greener. But if I know that I am at a church that the Lord has called me to and a church that is preaching the gospel, a church where there are opportunities for me to use my gifts and talents, then if I am not plugged into it, I am being disobedient to the calling the Lord has placed in my heart. If He has brought me to a church, if I am tithing to a church, then I should be serving at that church, and I should be fellowshipping with that church. It is so easy as a single individual to not to commit to a church, we see the way the church fails us, we see the way we can walk into a room and no one speak to us, I know! It is very hard!! I have already addressed this issue previously, but maybe, just maybe, instead of trying to change other's agendas, I need to change my own. Maybe instead of changing the way others view me, I change the way I view others. One of my greatest times of worship and service was with a little church down in Calhoun Falls, they did not have programs, they definitely did not have a singles' ministry, but they had the love of the Gospel and they loved me more than I can imagine. I learned form them, I was able to serve them by filling in at the piano a few times, I worshiped with them, and the last Sunday we were there, I cried because I knew the Lord had brought our family to that church for just the right season in life. As we look for a church body, a church community, we need to have our hearts open to where the Lord is leading us, and it may not be a place of comfort. In fact, being single and attending church is very uncomfortable. And plugging in and getting involved is even more uncomfortable. It takes changing our view, changing our agenda, changing our perspective. I think sometimes we think those who are married and have children do not care about us, that they have their own agenda and do not care about getting to know us or getting to serve with us, but what if we started changing the way we view them. What if we jumped into ministries, found ways to serve, didn't worry about if we sat in a room alone or if we sat in a room with a hundred friends, what if we plugged into our churches, like they do, I would dare say their agendas, their views would start to change. I know this from personal experience. I joined a church, was one of very few single adults, but I jumped in head first, I worked with the youth, found a small group (of ALL married minus like four of us), coached church basketball. Were there times I struggled? Yes!! But what I began to find is that my small group, they began to view singles differently. (I also found that this is not an issue among men, they could care less whether another man is single married divorced widower parent, if they have something in common they are immediate friends, why can't women be more like this?) The church began to view singles differently and I began to allow the Lord to use me right where I was to minister to serve and I became a better friend, coworker, daughter. I have learned so many things about marriage about parenting about serving about caring through time spent with women who are married. And I have learned that it takes me making an effort and putting forth an effort to develop these relationships. It is so easy to run to what is comfortable but I am quickly learning the Lord did not call me to lead a comfortable life. I need to seek a local church, a Gospel believing, serving, ministering church, and despite how uncomfortable it is, I need to find community because if I am in the place the Lord has called me, community will be there. But I can not find it if I do not seek it. I can not find it if I do not change the way I see.
It is easy for me to speak on behalf of singles, I am single, I am in my thirties, and I struggle with the way the church sometimes views us. So while it takes me changing my view on community, my agenda with church, it also takes married and married with children's views and agendas changing. Again, if we are tithing to a church then our family needs to be serving within the church and our family should be finding community within the church. Married, the majority of single adults are educated human beings, who have similar interests, desires, thoughts, maturity, beliefs as you. We desire to be invested in. The majority of my friends are married, and while life changes, I am still friends with them. Married, do not over look the single woman sitting a few rows down from you, you may just have your new running partner. Or do not neglect to call back the girl in small group you gave your number to, you may be missing the person who can talk you through a problem. Or married with children, do not neglect to invite over the single man a few rows back, you may be missing out on someone who knows how to build the new dresser you need or a potential babysitter:) "If we are going to change our lives, what we’re going to have to change is the way we see." Even those who are married and married with children may need to change the way they see, the way they view community in order to change their lives. Just as singles need to reach outside their comfort zone so should those who are married (especially women). Finding a church in which you can grow, serve, develop community, and community with those of various backgrounds, ages, marital statuses, is important. Yes, you need to have mothers, fathers, married men and women investing in you, but you also need singles, widowed, divorced, elderly. This is what the family of believers is, a community of believers all different all serving together. So do not be afraid to approach someone who is single, it may surprise you the commonality you share and the advice and wisdom they are able to impart.
Community, it is easy to try to find true community in so many different places but that is because it is comfortable. It is comfortable to seek it through work, school, organizations, but it is uncomfortable to seek it through church. Why? Because it takes work, it takes action, it takes seeking out, it takes moving away from our comfort zones. It takes commitment, it takes reaching others who we may not have thought to reach, it takes being obedient to the calling of Christ. True community is found in a local body of believers, being plugged into a local church. Yes, we have the community we live in, the community where we work, the community of our profession, the community we volunteer with, but the only way to minister to these communities is by having the community of the local church behind us. When I went to China, my home church went before me, they prayed over me, they sent me care packages, they supported me financially and prayerfully. When I went through the pain of losing my niece, my home church was there with food, prayer, support, people came and answered doorbells and phone calls and not only my home church. And yes, my coworkers, other doctors, clinicians, teachers were all there supporting me praying for me encouraging me when I returned, but the heart of support came through the church. I in return was able to minister to others through my time in China, through my loss, and others have grown in the Lord have come to know the Lord due to the investment of the church in me and I in others. I am so thankful that a few months ago I was confronted in love. I am so thankful I have three ladies who hold me accountable to the Truth. I am so thankful I have a possible Bible study. I am so thankful I have my puzzle almost complete, and I am ready to truly complete this puzzle. I am ready to enter back into a local body of believers, a Gospel centered church, and I am ready for the community I have experienced before. Because when true community exists within a church: "Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common. And with great power the apostles were giving their testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was upon them all. There was not a needy person among them, for as many as were owners of lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold and laid it at the apostles' feet, and it was distributed to each as any had need. " Acts 4:32-35
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