Waiting?....on what, the world to change??

  "So, why aren't you married?" "Are you not dating anyone?" "They will come when you least expect it, when you aren't looking, when you are ready..." "Just wait! The Lord will send you someone...." "Guard your heart..." The list goes on; I have heard every comment, been asked every question, and not once but MULTIPLE times. Before I begin, I will simply state, from every single individual in the church, no, make that the world, STOP ASKING STUIPD QUESTIONS; you are going to start receiving stupid answers, and please stop making us try to feel better by your ridiculous statements. We are not dying, in fact the majority of us are quite content and happy right where we are. Trust me by the time you reach your thirties, you aren't expecting it, you really aren't "looking, " and if you aren't ready by then, you never will be. So now that the important part of this blog is behind us, I truly have things on my heart to share.
  I spent the afternoon talking to a wonderful friend of mine. She is an amazing woman in her thirties, single, but living and loving life; she loves the Lord, values her faith, but isn't buying into the teachings and "advice" the church gave us as youth, and I must say I agree with her.
  Growing up in the church, we were taught to guard our hearts. We were raised to believe you go to college, you get married, you have children. You made a list at the age of 14, of the qualities you wanted in a husband. (Please tell me what 14 year old truly knows the qualities they are looking for in a spouse, I guarantee each list was the same: funny, loves the Lord, goes to church, has a job, makes money etc) Then you grow up, you look around the church, and you realize how many churches have become cookie cutter churches. I myself have been a part of a congregation that felt very cookie cutter like; everyone was married, had multiple(or multitudes of) children, and if you weren't married or didn't fit into this mold you were looked upon as different; you were made to feel you were not living in the Lords will, and you definitely were not accepted. (and the way the church treats those who do not fit their mold will be addressed in another message!) As I've reached my thirties, I have pondered: "How do you know the Lord's will for my life?" "Is everyone's journey in life supposed to look the same?"and "What am I waiting for, the world to change?"

  I challenge people to think, there is no way the Lord's will is to have cookie cutter individuals with each persons life and journey being the same. The Lord works and moves in each persons life and in different ways. When it comes to marriage, not everyones' story will be the same. I have been single until now because there are things I needed to do, places I needed to be that the Lord could only accomplish by my singleness. Can the Lord drop someone in my lap at any time? Yes! Can I meet someone in the more traditional ways? Yes! But can the Lord use other means, be it the internet, speed dating, match sites, or any other nontraditional means? YES! Why do we feel we are going outside the Lord's will by having a journey and a story that's different than everyone else's? Why are we waiting when the Lord is a God that calls us to action? If I am following what I feel is the Lord's will, then the Lord will use and can use ANY means that He desires. But He calls me to action, not to passivity.

  As I was growing up, I was told that you continue moving, continue going through open doors, until the Lord tells you to stop. Each decision I made in life I prayed over and I truly sought the Lord's will and desires. When it came to college and graduate school, I applied to multiple schools. When it came to work, I applied to multiple jobs. When it came to moving, I looked at various positions. When it came to buying a car and buying my home, I researched, looked through many homes, test drove many cars. I filled out multiple applications, I put together a resume, I went on interviews, I went into action and I moved through doors until the Lord either said stop or keep going. So, why when it comes to dating and relationships do we think we can not ACT? Why do we think that we are not doing the Lord's will by going on match.com, Christian mingle if you're single, eharmony or any other nontraditional means? Why do we feel we must wait around, twiddling our thumbs, hoping we run into our future husband at the grocery story or at church, instead of placing ourselves in positions to meet people, and maybe even learn a few things along the way(as in the real qualities we are looking for in a husband)? We aren't pursuing men or marriage, we are making ourselves available, we are using another means to meet people. Again can the Lord use traditional means, yes, but can He use any means He desires, YES, and we can not be worried about having a story that is different. Thank the Lord my life's story has been different! Thank the Lord, He has not placed me in a cookie cutter story line. I look to scripture in times of doubting and I found this passage: "So she WENT down to the threshing floor and did just as her mother-in-law had commanded her. And when Boaz had eaten and drunk, and his heart was merry, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of grain. Then she came softly and uncovered his feet and LAY DOWN. At midnight the man was startled and turned over, and behold, a woman lay at his feet! He said, “Who are you?” And she answered, “I am Ruth, your servant. Spread your wings over your servant, for you are a redeemer.”" (Ruth 3 ESV) Thank the Lord Ruth put herself into action and went to lay at the feet of Boaz, who was not the first in line of her kinsman redeemers, she made herself available, her story was not like everyone else's, and her story didn't end like everyone else's, read Matthew...she is in the lineage of Jesus!

  So many of us have been in dead in jobs, dead in relationships, or we feel like we have been moving at a 20mph pace....or the Lord has been moving at a 20mph pace. But maybe He's been waiting for us to act, for us to take a step and move forward or maybe He is just writing a story line that is different than any one else's, maybe He sees something in us that we do not see in ourselves and He knows He can use us in greater means as single than He can as married. Remember earlier, I asked "How do you know the Lord's will for my life?" Instead of others worrying about knowing the Lord's will for my life, I must pursue what I feel is the Lord's desire. If I am on match, or Christian mingle if you're single, or any other nontraditional means, I will know if I am in His will because Scripture clearly gives me direction. The Lord is not a Lord of chaos, confusion, doubt, worry, frustration, fear, busyness, physical and emotional roller coasters, and heartache, but HE is the Lord who is in ALL things, and He is a Lord of peace, comfort, guidance, wisdom, discernment, love, and patience. Instead of worrying about what others think, instead of waiting for someone to be dropped in my lap, I want to be a woman of action, of making myself available to any means the Lord may use in filling the desires of my heart. He knows my heart, He knows my desires! 

  Instead of worrying about guarding my heart, instead of worrying about being hurt, I need to put aside all fears and worries, and meet people, get to know people, not worry about the what if's, and make myself available. There are moments when I must guard my heart, yes, I know that from my heart flows everything else in life, but the passage is found in Proverbs and in the context of the verses around it, is dealing with keeping our path straight, our speech free from corruption, keeping our eyes fixed on Him, His word in our hearts, and surrounding ourselves with those who are believers, not unbelievers. The whole chapter is on guarding yourself from becoming like the world but it does not point directly to dating and marriage. We can keep ourselves from becoming more like the world, by surrounding ourselves with believers, but we can not keep ourselves from heartache. Do you not make friends out of fear of being hurt? No, that is ridiculous. But how many times have we had to let friendships go, or we have had to change our relationships with people because it wasn't what the Lord truly desired. Being friends, making friends takes discernment, and if we enter into friendships and pursue relationships that the Lord is not desiring, or that the Lord is wanting us in for reasons other than what we desire, if we are in tune with His Spirit, we soon will realize the Lord desires a change. How do we know the Lord's will in friendships? By the statement I made earlier, the qualities of the Lord, we look back over the friendship with a discerning spirit, and with the Lord's unveiling and revealing. Is it easy to change friendships after they have started, no! but is it something the Lord may require of us yes! So do we not make friends, do we not pursue friendships? NO! We pursue them with discernment not fear! So why can the same principles not be applied with dating relationships? Women, we are emotional beings, and that emotion transcends all we do and say. Every relationship, every job, every moment of every day, we are emotional, but we can not keep living in fear and we can not keep living in acceptance of others and the world. If Ruth had worried about being hurt, if Ruth had let her fears dictate her actions, then history would have been written differently. But the Lord knew all along one woman was called to action, which led to another woman being called to action in Mary, talk about fears and worries, and acting in faith! 

  "Do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases..." (Song of Solomon, ESV) Each relationship we enter into may not be who we marry, we may be hurt, but just as each job we enter into teaches us, just as each decision in life, grows us, changes us, each relationship will as well, but if we enter into relationships with the Lord's will and desires as our focus, then no matter what,if He desires us to be married, He will awaken true love and the "right" person at the right time. Am I actively pursuing anything nontraditional? Not currently, but it is definitely in the forefront of my mind! Am I going to not live life and not enjoy the season He has me in? NO! This year 2012 is a year of action, a year of awakening of my soul, a year of being joyful in the Lord, and counting my blessings. This journey in life is my own....and He is writing my own story, my own love story...and when the time comes, He will add a godly man to my journey, until then, may He use me in my singleness, and may I become a woman of action!