Every Woman Has A Story...

I have a story...every person has a story....every woman has a story...
Someone steps up to the microphone, we think "here it goes again another testimony different than mine. How awesome her story, how boring mine." Someone in the corner begins to cry, "guess her story is the same." Another woman walks out of the room, "guess she is dealing with something similar." "Does anyone have the same story as me?" "Am I the only one who doesn't have something to share?" "Does my story really matter?" "Does God think I am boring?" "No one would want to listen to what I have to say." "I want to know the truth, I am seeking the truth too!" "I'm not outspoken, no one will hear me, no one will see me or notice me, I am not known." "I am not with the women's 'in' crowd." How familiar is this scene? How familiar are these thoughts? How heartbreaking are these lies? The truth is, we all at one point have had these thoughts, have had these questions. The truth is we have each fallen prey to the lies of the evil-one in regards to our stories and women. The truth is stories are important. We all have them. We were each given a story, written before time and it...is... important. 
As I began my career in athletic training, my mom gave me advice, advice I have never forgotten. She explained, I truly never know what my athletes and students may be going through. I do not know what they go home to at night, and I will not unless I take time to know them. A student may be sleeping through my class because he has to work late and stay up all night protecting his siblings; an athlete may not be healing, no matter how well we rehab, only because I am the only one who sees value in her. My mom advised I must know my athletes' stories. And by knowing their stories, I would reach them in ways many cannot. She encouraged me to not look at a class or team roster and listen to what others say, but find out for myself their story. If this is true of me as an athletic trainer, of me as a medical professional, is this not even more true of me as a woman, a woman of faith, a woman desiring to make a difference for Christ? And if my athletes' stories are important, are the stories of the women in the church, my sisters in Christ, not equally as important? 
So why then is one of the most difficult relationships, the relationship between women? Why do we become fearful of sharing among our sisters? Because the world has not helped in fostering this relationship, the world has set standards for women physically emotionally mentally that are impossible to reach. And the world has seeped into the core and heart of the church. The world has created a fear that if we grow to close, we will be hurt. The church has created a fear, by creating segregating programs and unspoken hierarchies, that we have nothing in common. Translating to a fear of being in different places in life thus being rejected. Because of fear, women compare, women are critical, women are cliquey. Through the world and the church, we have been hurt, have been made to feel less, have been attacked, and our relationships have suffered. We as women have fallen to the lies that other women are out to "get us" to ruin us, we have fallen to the lies that having relationships with women will end in drama and pain. How many times have I heard women, even women my age, say they have more friends who are male than female? How sad and how scary. Having professional and personal relationships with males within the context of biblical community and with heart-seeking spiritual discernment are needed. However, outside the relationship one has with their spouse, the deep meaningful truly transparent relationships we need and desire need to be developed through relationships with other women. But fear has driven us away from our sisters, away from other women and when it comes to realizing every woman has a story, we fail.
Titus 2 is adamant about the older teaching the younger about women sharing and learning from each other. And there are multiple scriptures about the importance of sharing, learning, growing, edifying, encouraging others in spirit and in truth. Jesus Himself was interested in the stories of those He reached and in the lives of those He changed, when He changed a life He called them by their story. "You were an adulterer now you are free." "You were blind but now you can see." "You have lived with many men but now you know the One True Man." "You were a murder now you are a fisher of men." Even I myself call my athletes by their stories, "You had a sprained ankle, now you can run again." "You tore your ACL, trust the work we have put in and the rehab we have done, you are healed." "You were on the sideline, now you are in the game." It is time we break down the chains of fear, the bondage of personal pride, the lies of the evil one and live in truth. It is time we as women in the church and the greater body of Christ be a living example to the world of love, support, vulnerability, responsibility, faith. It is time we as women of faith stand up to the world to its' lies and defend what scripture says about each of us, defend what scripture says is truth. It is time we search scripture, search the Word for ourselves and not fall into the habit of what the church calls truth and seek out what is truth, we no longer live confined to what the pulpit says as truth. We have Bibles, we have Truth in our grasp, measure what is said by what the Scripture says. It is time we listen to the stories of our own and applaud all stories, applaud all the ways the Father is moving and the lives that are being transformed, from the simple to the amazing. All stories are equal to the Father, all stories were created by Him through Him and for Him. Every woman has a story and the Father is working through His Son and in partnership with His Spirit to complete a good work in each woman and that work is changing growing being tested and tried until her day of completion. And until that day, her story is one to be heard, to be shared. What a call for women to rise up....every woman has a story....even I have a story...

Do I Have A Story?...(Part 1)

Do I have a story?...to be transparent, for so long I have felt I do not. I have sat through many amazing testimonies; testimonies of how the Lord has saved from drug abuse, alcoholism, sexual abuse, physical abuse; testimonies of women who's mothers aborted them and they survived; testimonies of adoption, redemption, and I have clapped and shouted a Baptist "Amen!" to the work the Father has done and how good He is, but that is not my story. I do not have a blinded by the light, hit by a 2x4, awaken in the middle of the night story. I am not a Paul on the road to Damascus, or a Roman jailer awakened to an earthquake. Rarely, if ever have I heard someone share who's life has been like mine. Occasionally as a teenager, I would wonder, do I need to purposefully do something really bad in order to have a better story? Of course, this sounds ridiculous, and praise God I never did, but these human thoughts these fleshly thoughts have crossed my mind. To make my story even less a story, I do not have a date, I do not even know the exact year (my mom remembers I was 4), and for so long, I was made to feel 'unsaved' because of such. I truly believe from the time I was twelve until about twenty-one I asked Christ to save me at least one hundred times because I had been told I needed a date and a time. Now I am exaggerating on the one hundred but I am saying this to make a simple point: I do not know the hour I do not know the day but I know because He is alive in me and I grow more repulsed by my propensity to sin and more in love with Him each day that is what matters and for so long I fought the lies of the enemy because people in the church made those thoughts real and alive.
But despite knowing I am a follower of Christ, what is my story? Truthfully, I can not recall a time from a podium, pulpit, or stage a testimony of one that resembles mine, when asked to share testimonies, the one's with these amazing stories are chosen. And rightfully so, how powerful their stories! How amazing our Jesus, what the Father Son and Holy Spirit do working together is powerful and miraculous! I truly truly love to hear the stories of all my brothers and sisters around the world.  But the lack of testimonies shared that are similar to mine has caused me to wonder, what is my story? Do I even have a story worth sharing?
Over the last couple of years I have battled this question, I have battled the lies that I do not have a story. It would be boring, if I was to tell my story. My story has no glitz, no wow factor. If I were to write, no one would read and if I were to speak, no one would want to hear. These are all lies, lies we each believe, lies straight from the devil that pierce straight through our hearts. Every story is important, every story is unique, every journey is different, and the journey the Father created uniquely for me before time began is a journey only I can run. There is no shame in having a story that is different, there is no fear in having a story that in my eyes is boring, because the Lord did not create my life to be boring, He took the time and thoughtfully planned every detail of my appearance, every second of my life, every word that I am to say, every thought that I will think, nothing has surprised Him, nothing is not going according to His perfect plan. My God has written my story, He has carved it in the palm of His hand and He is continuing to work in me until my day of completion. My God is Sovereign over even my story...and I am learning to believe, yes, I do have a story, I have a story worth hearing, I have a story worth sharing. And not only do I have a story, but every woman has a story...

The Church's Unspoken Hierarchy...

Every society has a hierarchy of sorts, whether spoken or unspoken, since the beginning, man has relegated themselves to tiers, hierarchies, rungs to climb, and the majority of the tiers one has to climb are based on reaching the next goal, moving to the next chapter in life, making more money, acquiring more knowledge. Society from the time you are born has seemed to map out your predicted future. the next tier you are to reach: you are born, you reach developmental milestones, you attend school, graduate high school, go to college, graduate college, begin a career and at the same time the career is beginning, you are to find love, get married, have children....and etc etc. And as you go from tier to tier, rung to rung, the high school and college you attend, the career you choose, the number of children you have, all have their own hierarchy, their own place in society, one will be relegated to. It is mind boggling and migraine begging and if placed on paper chart confusing the societal hierarchies we have created, and if at any point in life one deviates from the norm, there is much confusion and pressure to return back to the norm.
Unfortunately what I have seen, in the place one should find the most acceptance and peace, is an unspoken hierarchy, that stems from society yet has changed to make itself appear "more spiritual" "more godly." And this is the church's' hierarchy. Education, socioeconomic status, and career choice, while subtly there, do not seem to have affected the church as much as marriage and parental status. Churches have programized and socialized, segregated and relegated their bodies according to marital and parental status and at times have made it seem like a ladder to climb as you travel along your journey. Do you remember promotion Sunday? I do, it was the Sunday where as a child you would stand at the front of the church and be promoted from one Sunday school classroom to the next. (maybe this was a good ole ARP doing!) While as a child it was fun and enjoyable to move from classroom to classroom and it was needed for developmental and social reasons, as an adult the fun is lost and the enjoyment is no more. But it seems there are churches who continue to see weddings, child birth as a form of "promotion Sunday." Once you get married you are now "eligible" to be promoted into the young married couples Sunday school class and Bible study; once you have children you are promoted to the young married with children, etc. and if at any point you find yourself older with young children or older and single or older and no children, you have to navigate your way into figuring out where you fit in, begin to question do you truly belong, and speaking from the heart, begin to feel less of a person because you are not "moving up" the ladder of the church.
Now let me take a brief moment to say, it is extremely important for young couples to have other young couples, and mothers to have other mothers and wives to have other wives and singles to have other singles and I could continue on. I am in no way saying that these relationships are not important nor are not needed. It is extremely important to have others speaking into our lives who have and are living similar journeys. I am purely speaking from my heart, based on the feelings and incidents I have experienced, to the heart of the church and to the desires I have seen and heard spoken over the last 10-15 years from women of all walks of life.
Having been single for 34 years, I have seen women walk the other way as I have walked through lobbies. I have sat alone in seats in sanctuaries watching elders and pastors meet the couples around me and only to be skipped over. I have heard pastors speak of the 'sin of singleness' because in Genesis we are commanded to be fruitful and multiply and man is not to be alone; I have been told I can not attend Bible studies (the only Bible studies offered for women my age) because I am single. I have been the one asked to serve because I am single and have free time, and multiple times I have felt less of an individual based on comments made towards me because I am still in one journey of life and have not moved to the next.
Recently I had the privilege of attending a women's retreat through my church. Women of all ages, all walks of life, all stories, came together for a weekend away. As I looked about the room, most women were married, most had children, some were older, some were younger, and having been in this position before, I was waiting for "it" to happen, the moment someone realizes you are single and either decides not to converse with you or asks married womens' favorite questions of why are you single, you are perfect for someone, where are all the good men, are you dating anyone, followed by the age old, "just wait he will come when you least expect it."  I was waiting to turn and gag and think "here we go again" with my pat answer of I don't know, obviously men do not think I am perfect, I wish I knew where all the good men were, I am not dating anyone, and I have been waiting 34 years I think I know what patient means by now. But "it" never happened, women spoke to me like we had been friends for years; women asked about life what I enjoyed what I loved to do. No one was concerned about my job, my career, my singleness, they were concerned about me. Just me. For the first time, the hierarchy was broken and I looked about a room and saw women loving each other and loving their Father. And I felt like a woman, an equal. Just a woman. Not a single woman. Not a childless woman. Just a woman.
What a treasure and a blessing to see that cycles can be broken that hierarchies can be demolished.  How will this hierarchy continue to be broken in the church, in our lives, and most of all in women? By churches seeing the value of all people regardless of their status, by women taking the time to speak with other women and learning their story, and by not relegating members to certain categories and simply, just simply, doing the one thing we are all commanded to do...."Love the Lord OUR God with ALL our hearts, with ALL our souls, with ALL our strength, and will ALL our minds. And love our neighbors as ourselves."
This friends will break cycles and release freedom to churches to thrive to grow to love to serve and to represent the Kingdom in ways unimaginable. 

Quick Challenge....

As part of a fast at church, I have turned off technology in the mornings and have spent time reading scriptures and searching the Word on various subjects that arise within the church. Raised reformed, visited various denominations, lived in different cultures, been an active member of various denominations, I have always challenged myself to search scripture first then search man's interpretations and to look at the various viewpoints through the eyes of scripture. What does the Word truly say? There is always one subject that divides not unifies believers...baptism...I read this article today and I find it awesome that it is from a father to a daughter, and while he explains and biblically backs his reasons and leads to scripture after scripture, he ends with the challenge to his daughter "you search scripture." I challenge us all, to be searchers of scripture; even if you are a "believer" baptizer not an "infant" baptizer, why do you believe one over the other? Have you searched the others viewpoint? Have you read and actively studied your own? And not just baptism, this just happens to be what I was reading, but any subject, anything you hear from the pulpit, anything you read in a book...be a searcher of the Scriptures, be a reader of the Word, may your eyes be opened to truth after truth by actively participating in the word...Here is the article for those who want to read it:

http://clark.wscal.edu/dejbaptism.php

Dear Aaron..

I set out last January to write a letter to each family member and closest friend on their birthday, I neglected to finish when I neglected to set aside the time to write to you. There is no excuse other than the timing of your birthday coinciding with holidays and work, and time quickly slipped away. So two months later, here I sit, desiring for words to flow and a letter to be written. 

Growing up, as the oldest, I always desired for an older sibling, more specifically, an older brother. The pressures of being the oldest the first to do, the first to say, the one to protect, the one to lead, the one to mend....they were always there, some self-imposed, others imposed by society, most imposed by simply birth order. But inside I always desired an older brother. We all are well aware the Lord works in mysterious ways and He turned the birth order first born world of mine upside down when He brought a young man into my baby sister's life, soon followed by a wedding, and the answer to my desire of having an older brother was given in the form of a younger than I margarita making military Methodist minister! I know the Father likes a good laugh...and I am sure He had a few good chuckles on my behalf. Not only was my world rocked a little off kilter by losing my baby sister and by not being the first to do something but I had lost her to a Methodist minister, and Methodists are known to move! However, I quickly realized that the Lord does work in mysterious ways and that He had given me a brother. Someone who I would quickly grow to love and admire. I first realized how perfect you were for our family when my grandmother passed away a few months after your wedding and you were quick to offer support and offer to speak at her service, I saw you comforting my sister and letting her cry on your shoulder, I saw you sitting with my granddaddy and just "being" with him. Soon after, the joy of a newborn rang in the air and I again realized you were perfect for our family as you begin to prepare for your firstborn, letting Christy decorate and enjoy the moment but secretly smiling as you looked over the baby clothes and nursery. Watching you hold Emeline and the joy that she brought to your face, there was no doubt you were given at just the write time, to just the right family. And when joy turned to sadness, I watched as a young minister of the Gospel, now had to figure out for himself the truth of the Gospel He so fervently had preached. I watched with awe as you carried the casket of your firstborn child to her final resting place, never wavering, with strength dignity and peace. I watched as you struggled to find truth in the ashes of hurt and pain. And you were young, too young to have had to handle burying your child before you, too young, so I never questioned the way you handled things, I never looked on you with judgment or resentment, I never doubted you or your faith. Because no one, no one knows how they are going to respond to such a hellacious time until they have walked there themselves. But you rose, from the ashes, and I still have in my Bible a message you preached the following year on the problem with pain, and I still can remember hearing you preach with a strength that can only come from the hope you had stored up for you in the message of the Gospel. And now, I watch as you bring joy to your home, as the girls run to you and love you, as James looks at you with his big beautiful eyes and just smiles as he sees you, as you make my sister laugh and smile. You are perfect for this family. And you are perfect as a brother....you have spent time helping with my finances, calling the cable company (which in and of itself is worthy of praise!) advice with job, moving, you have pushed me to run better, faster harder, and while I know that this letter along with many other instances will one day come back to haunt me in the form of a wedding homily (Lord willing), I thank you. Thank you for loving my family, loving my sister, loving my nieces, my nephew, and yes for loving me. 

So a couple months later and a month into the new year, I challenge you. You like myself are a doer of the Word, we do for others before we do for ourselves. If there is a need, we want to meet it. If there is something that needs to be done, we want to do it. And yes, living out the Gospel in the form of doing and actions is important. We are called to be doers and not hearers only. However, we are also called to be still, be still and know....be still and listen...be still and rest. Like Martha I want everything to be perfect, I want to do, and do, and do, and there is nothing wrong with doing. But sometimes, we need to stop realize our worthiness and sit at His feet and just be. So I challenge you this year, to be. To make it a discipline, to make it a habit, to take the time whether early in the morning or late at night, to just be still....be still and know...be still and hear...be still and rest. The Father desires time with His son, while He is pleased at the doing, He desires the being. So as I challenge myself to just be this year, as I challenge myself to take time to do less and to 'be' more...I challenge you as well. I am learning that in the being I receive the strength for the doing, that in the being I receive the direction for the doing, that in the being I receive the rest needed to 'do'. 

I bless you this year, in all that you do, that you see the Father changing you more like His Son, that you have strength to do but patience to be. You are loved...

Dear Brit..

Last week, you celebrated your birthday, not only did you celebrate your birthday but the birthday of your first daughter. I remember sitting in the car about to go into the gym to watch Joey coach, when you told me you were pregnant with Lillian. I remember the joy that rose inside of me, knowing the pain and the hurt and the struggle that had led up to this moment. I remember walking with you through that first pregnancy and seeing the joy in your and Joey's eyes when Aub and I came to the hospital to meet Lil for the first time. I remember walking into my house to pack for a week of sorrow and hearing a knock at the door, knowing without even question who would be on the other side. I remember Target trips, movies, dinners, laughs and tears. As we get older, life goes on, life changes, life happens. But there are moments where we must stop life and remember, we remember what the Lord has done and we look forward with anticipation to what the Lord will do. Throughout the last seven years the Lord has done a lot in each of our lives and in our lives together, there have been moments of closeness and moments of busy and separation, life happens, but through it all there has been a steady love and care that is truly unique, that is truly a blessing. So I remember with thankfulness the past, the times of growth, the times the Lord has moved in and through us together and separately, the friendship and the relationship He has ordained, and I look forward with anticipation to what is to come, the birth of a child, the growth of children, the growth of a friendship, and the continued work of the Lord.
Thank you for being you, in all your unique and beautiful ways, you are truly you. Thank you for being the person that at any point of doubt in my life, I hear a voice in my head saying "Trust the Lord..." knowing you were the one you first drilled those three simple yet difficult words into my head and thoughts. Thank you for being an example of a mother and a wife who is a sinner saved by grace who years to raise her family knowing the Lord, serving others, and letting me see the good and the bad. I know one day if the Lord desires, I will be a better wife and mother because of knowing you. Thank you for loving me through the last seven years, the difficult the ugly the just plain sinful and the happy joyful and truly amazing moments as well.
You are a blessing to all who meet you. May the Lord make His face to shine upon you, May He grant you peace in all you do, May He give you strength to face each challenge, May He shower His love upon you in ways you can not imagine in the next year. You are loved...

Dear Daddy...

I know this is a few days after your birthday but I have not forgotten. They say the relationship between a father and a daughter is unique, special, much like the relationship between a mother and her son. Fathers are the first men to love their daughters, the first men to pursue a relationship with their daughters, the first men to show their daughters they are beautiful. And daughters look to their fathers for love, support, provision, and protection. Fathers are truly the earthly example of our Heavenly Father. So on this day, I celebrate you Daddy.
At first glance, there is no question I am your daughter, from the thick full auburn hair on my head to the thin shape of feet I am my father's daughter. The years I wondered if I was adopted because I looked nothing like my sister and mother I always knew I was at least truly your child. As I grew into adulthood, the similarity in looks took a backseat to personality and character. Like you, I am introverted, reserved, yet personable and once you get to know me, somewhat extroverted. I process and reflect before speaking, I desire justice, I desire truth. I serve humbly behind the scenes. I work hard and do not give up on my desires and dreams. I am strong willed, stubborn, opinionated. But I desire to know the Lord and His Word more than anything else. I am my father's child.
Growing up, I knew no greater man than you through you. You challenged me to pursue my dreams, you knew the hurt and pain that I went through with basketball at Gaston Christian yet you would not let me quit. You challenged me each day to keep playing, keep practicing, and to use my pain and hurt to one day treat other people fairly. And I did, I kept playing, I kept practicing, and the Lord gave me my desires by allowing me to play at Erskine. I saw the pride you had in me when I wore that jersey, I may not have gotten much time on the court, but that did not matter to you. You knew the pain the tears the hurt behind the jersey and you were proud. And I did, the pain the hurt I experienced has propelled me into loving each athlete that walks through my door. No favorites, no treating one better than the other, but treating each of them fairly and listening to each athlete, helping each of them pursue their dreams and desires, knowing that I can make a difference by just taking an interest in their lives. You challenged me in my faith. You were the one who cried when I was leaving for China, you were the one who cried as they laid hands on me and prayed over me. You were the one who to this day I quote to parents as they watch their children leave the home or pursue missions, because you were the one who looked out over the congregation and said "we raise them to send them." You were the one who knew that when you raise a child, you are not just raising them in the admonition of the Lord but you are raising them to pursue the Gospel. You are raising them to send them into the world to share that Gospel. You were my biggest fan, my biggest supporter, my protector when I was hurting because of the unfair ways I was being treated and my provider of all my needs, from my first cars to my first phone to my first computer and everything in between. There was no greater man in my life.
And there still isn't any greater man. The Lord has blessed me with thirty-four years of singleness and I pray that as I have grown and moved through adult hood that you are proud of me. That you see the lessons I learned from you being played out in my decisions and the way I approach life. And while I am not married yet and I have not had to fully leave and cleave to a husband, I have had to grow up and mature. I have had to leave and cleave to the life the Lord has given me at this time, in this season. I have had to make decisions a part from you. I have had to move out and create my own household. Some decisions you have agreed with others you have not. But through it all I just want to make you proud.
Happy 60th Birthday! I am proud to call you my father, I am proud of the hard work and dedication you put into pursuing your dreams and desires. I pray that the Lord will bless you, that He will make His face to shine upon your dreams, your desire, your marriage, your life. I pray that you will know the Lord more in the next chapter of your life than you have in the first 60 years.
I pray above all you know how much you are loved and appreciated and pray over and prayed for.
I love you Daddy...
Jynne